Illustrated articles about important stuff

August 2, 2014

Why Dogs Bark At Night

BarkInTheDark

CHICAGO — Local dog provides a thorough explanation on the alleged barking that has been happening throughout the neighborhoods worldwide:

“Woof.”

Since I’m fluent in Dog, a translated transcription:

“We bark at night because we’re trying to get discovered. When it’s night time, it gets very dark and too hard to see, let alone land a record deal. Who can think about fame at a time like that? We make noises so that someone hears and responds. That response is the only way I can know for sure that I still exist and haven’t disappeared into the oblivion with the rest of the world when the sun set.”

“Yes, I can see the moon just fine, thank you. That’s how I know that I should go into the light.”

Upon further investigation, I have also discovered why dogs are loving, loyal, and just fucking gallop around a park as soon as the leash comes off to sniff absolutely everything. Especially butts.  Because until the moment that the sun sets, dogs are literally living each day like it’s their last.

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Why Dogs Bark At Night

BarkInTheDark

CHICAGO — Local dog provides a thorough explanation on the alleged barking that has been happening throughout the neighborhoods worldwide: “Woof.” Since I’m fluent in Dog, a translated transcription: “We bark at night because we’re trying to get discovered. When it’s night time, it gets very dark and too hard to see, let alone land a record deal. Who can think about fame at a time like that? We make noises so that someone hears and responds. That response is the only way I can know for sure that I still exist and haven’t disappeared into the oblivion with the rest of the world when the sun set.” “Yes, I …continue reading

Study Reveals: When Laundry Folds, You Win

WINNING-remanethisshit

Why is it that sometimes laundry adds up in a stinky pile that gets higher than Paul Bunyan in a forest of Royal Pine air fresheners? Every time you do your dirty laundry, it all comes out in the wash. But, that fresh smell of clean unmentionables right out of the dryer isn’t even worth mentioning, because the best part is: FOLDING! Laundry FOLDS so that means YOU WIN. All those times you’ve done your laundry, you have beaten it EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. Some laundry even ends up hanged until we choose a garment skin in which to parade around. But choose early and often, or moths will get to it first. Then, all you’ll have left are skeletons …continue reading

Aren’t You Too Old For Birthdays?

Party Animals

Did you know that the cone-shaped party hat stems from the era of dunce caps? Of course, that would be the perfect fashion accessory to wear for someone getting their stomach pumped after over-celebrating their 21st birthday. A long time ago, the average life expectancy for humans was really short, so surviving another year without ending up a human sacrifice was actually something to celebrate. Today, if we celebrate a birthday too hard, we can sacrifice our own life for it. But if you ever feel like you’re “too old” to celebrate birthdays, here is your official permission slip from your …continue reading

The #1 Secret Ingredient For Baking Delicious Cookies

Kooky

After a study of dozens of successful and failed attempts of baking cookies, it has been confirmed that one ingredient is a must-have for any recipe: Anxiety Anxiety is not sold in any stores, you can’t order it from TV or online. The following steps will help you get the coveted anxiety that will guarantee amazingly baked cookies every time. First, follow your favorite cookie recipe and then: 1. Consider the people for whom you’re making these cookies. What kind of cookies would people want to eat? Chocolate? Or was that anchovies? What if someone is allergic to anchovies? You …continue reading

One Year Ago Today – Russia Targeted By Cupid With Meteor

FromCupidWithLove

Recently, Russia has been receiving lots of bad publicity about various things such as malfunctions at The Sochi 2014 Winter Olympics, anti-gay agendas, and its dealings with Ukraine. Evidence shows that it’s all Cupid’s fault. Last year, a meteor struck the Chelyabinsk area in Russia the day after Valentine’s Day. The following story proves how the chain of events all started: The Russian Meteor – From Cupid, With Love February 15, 2013 BREAKING NEWS: The real culprit behind the Russian Meteor is believed to be none other than Cupid. Experts note that Cupid has been behind many different disastrous relations …continue reading

How To Get Frigid Weather To Warm Up

Bitter Cold Illustration

The weather has been giving us the cold shoulder, again. Weather is a pretty big deal. Not only is it popular among small-talk enthusiasts. There’s even a whole TV channel and website dedicated to the weather. It seems to be the most-watched reality star. When weather throws a fit, the paparazzi, also known as storm-chasers, hunt down for photos of its outbursts. Weather sure knows how to take us for a spin and some of us are getting sick of it. But perhaps this Bipolar Vortex Express of a climate is our fault. Maybe we’ve put it in unfair positions …continue reading

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