Why Unicorns Went Extinct

This Is Not A Unicorn illustration

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WORLDWIDE—Experts confirmed Monday that unicorns became extinct years ago because no one believed in them. Throughout history, unicorns have been pigeonholed as mystical creatures and definitely not real. The same experts came to the scientific conclusion that they could have totally survived if only people believed in them. I mean, it’s like a horse, which is believable. And a horn, also believable. But, apparently, not both of these things existing as one creature at the same time.

Unfortunately, the last unicorn documented in existence was in 1982. Even then, people didn’t believe in them enough. No one held walking marathons, 5K runs, or protests to raise money and awareness for unicorns.

Today, many years since their extinction, unicorns are more popular than ever. There are unicorn movies, toys, video games, and everything unicorn-imaginable. If unicorns knew that people started to believe in them now that they’re gone, they’d be so pissed at us.