Illustrated articles about important stuff

July 23, 2014

Aldi Floors Actually Made Of Cheese Slices

Cheesy Floor

A recent shopping trip to an Aldi grocery store revealed that the store’s floor is actually hardened Colby Jack cheese. Aldi has always used unique ways in which it passed the savings on to their shoppers. Part of the charm of the grocery chain is the low-cost food.

Dangerously Cheesy?Aldi shoppers are encouraged to bring their own shopping bags to take home the groceries or purchase a bags for 10 cents each. Shoppers may also get a cardboard box off a product isle to use for the groceries. Great for cat owners. Not so great for people who don’t want to look like they’re carrying a lifetime supply of peanut butter in public. Aldi does provide shopping carts, but they’re locked and require a deposit of a quarter to use one. These carts are usually returned back where they belong, until someone who doesn’t do coin-operated laundry (or doesn’t do laundry at all) leaves a cart in a random spot at the parking lot. If you get that cart and put it back, and that’s a free quarter for you! Cha-ching! We could not reach an Aldi employee for comment on the Colby Jack cheese floor tiles because we waited in a really long checkout line and forgot to ask by the time it was our turn.

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Aren’t You Too Old For Birthdays?

Party Animals

Did you know that the cone-shaped party hat stems from the era of dunce caps? Of course, that would be the perfect fashion accessory to wear for someone getting their stomach pumped after over-celebrating their 21st birthday. A long time ago, the average life expectancy for humans was really short, so surviving another year without ending up a human sacrifice was actually something to celebrate. Today, if we celebrate a birthday too hard, we can sacrifice our own life for it. But if you ever feel like you’re “too old” to celebrate birthdays, here is your official permission slip from your …continue reading

The #1 Secret Ingredient For Baking Delicious Cookies

Kooky

After a study of dozens of successful and failed attempts of baking cookies, it has been confirmed that one ingredient is a must-have for any recipe: Anxiety Anxiety is not sold in any stores, you can’t order it from TV or online. The following steps will help you get the coveted anxiety that will guarantee amazingly baked cookies every time. First, follow your favorite cookie recipe and then: 1. Consider the people for whom you’re making these cookies. What kind of cookies would people want to eat? Chocolate? Or was that anchovies? What if someone is allergic to anchovies? You …continue reading

One Year Ago Today – Russia Targeted By Cupid With Meteor

FromCupidWithLove

Recently, Russia has been receiving lots of bad publicity about various things such as malfunctions at The Sochi 2014 Winter Olympics, anti-gay agendas, and its dealings with Ukraine. Evidence shows that it’s all Cupid’s fault. Last year, a meteor struck the Chelyabinsk area in Russia the day after Valentine’s Day. The following story proves how the chain of events all started: The Russian Meteor – From Cupid, With Love February 15, 2013 BREAKING NEWS: The real culprit behind the Russian Meteor is believed to be none other than Cupid. Experts note that Cupid has been behind many different disastrous relations …continue reading

How To Get Frigid Weather To Warm Up

Bitter Cold Illustration

The weather has been giving us the cold shoulder, again. Weather is a pretty big deal. Not only is it popular among small-talk enthusiasts. There’s even a whole TV channel and website dedicated to the weather. It seems to be the most-watched reality star. When weather throws a fit, the paparazzi, also known as storm-chasers, hunt down for photos of its outbursts. Weather sure knows how to take us for a spin and some of us are getting sick of it. But perhaps this Bipolar Vortex Express of a climate is our fault. Maybe we’ve put it in unfair positions …continue reading

Socially Awkward Illustrator Is Selected As A Winner Of Land Rover’s Social Media Contest

File Photo

In an odd twist of events, our own illustrator Tanya Pshenychny became a second-time celebrity after Land Rover USA‘s #IAmDriven social media contest. Her first time was when we hired her to work as our illustrator. She had this to say: “I’m so excited to be #LandRoverFamous! Someday I may even get to #RoveTheLandInALandRover. A car like that could sure transport a lot of paintings and emotional baggage through some rough terrain. Like, the Pacific Ocean or those fun, colorful ball pits.” “Oh, and be sure to use the most flattering picture of me for this story because I need to keep milking …continue reading

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