Testing The New MacBook: It’s Pretty Fly

MacBook In Flight illustration
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I got my hands on the brand new MacBook, designed by Apple, before anyone else, thanks to my secret connections via IllustrArticles.

At just 13.1mm thickness and 2 lbs weight, the MacBook is the thinnest and lightest laptop ever, and beyond portable. Its Intel Core M 1.3 GHz processor uses far less power than other laptops, because it runs partially on wind power. This machine wasn’t designed to run heavy applications. This machine was designed to fly.

The gold and silver MacBooks are made entirely of gold and silver metals, so they’re worth much more in resale value than other laptops. But if you’re going to judge a MacBook by its color, choose space grey. I did! The space grey MacBook is made of space metal, which is the same stuff that space shuttles are made of.

To prepare your MacBook for flight, all you do is attach the iString adapter (sold separately) into the only USB-C port. This adapter will allow you to attach almost any type of string or ribbon to the MacBook. Then, hold on to the string and run around a wide open area, like a golf course, and watch it take off. Works even better if it’s windy!

The gorgeous 12-inch Retina screen of the new MacBook is designed to display your favorite picture in the highest quality while in flight. Right now, mine is set a photo of Harrison Ford for good luck, in case the MacBook crashes.


A Sext From Your Phone


PhoneRinging

Dear You,

I had a really nice time last night. Just wanted to let you know that, in case you couldn’t tell even though it’s written all over my face.

I could tell you were interested in me way more than that conversation at dinner with your date because you kept checking me out and picking me up. You just couldn’t keep your eyes and hands off of me! Three’s a crowd but two is company, and I’m glad that “date” finally took the hint and left so that there were just the two of us, because I truly less-than-three you.

At the end of the night, it was great when we went back to your place and got under the blankets where you shifted up and down, and side to side, until we both got really wet. It’s rigorous trying to match up all those little candies correctly in Candy Crush Soda Saga and your OCD made you very sweaty. But you popped all the bottles! Juicy!

XOXO,
Your Phone


You Are Watching The Super Owl


superowl_illustrarticles

Congratulations, you are currently watching the super owl. There it is up there. Isn’t it cute? Go on, say hi!

It doesn’t do much. It doesn’t have to. It just kind of looks at you inquisitively, as if it’s curious because it has the reputation of being smart.

Don’t fall for that, though. It’s actually pretty stupid. Owls can’t even talk. Super owl’s super power is appearing to be very intelligent while listening to you talk even though it has no idea what the hell you’re saying.