How To Get Frigid Weather To Warm Up

Bitter Cold Illustration

The weather has been giving us the cold shoulder, again.

Weather is a pretty big deal. Not only is it popular among small-talk enthusiasts. There’s even a whole TV channel and website dedicated to the weather. It seems to be the most-watched reality star.

When weather throws a fit, the paparazzi, also known as storm-chasers, hunt down for photos of its outbursts. Weather sure knows how to take us for a spin and some of us are getting sick of it.

But perhaps this Bipolar Vortex Express of a climate is our fault.

Maybe we’ve put weather in unfair situations time and again by comparing it to other weather. Like, that gorgeous Southern California’s weather… Oops, we just did it again, didn’t we?

We can fix this! It’s never too late to show our weather some love. We can do this by telling everyone that our weather is really nice and truly is the fairest of them all.

It may not happen overnight, but if we keep saying how beautiful our weather is, over time, it has to eventually warm up to us. So by summertime, it might get pretty hot and steamy, if you know what we mean, WINK-WINK, NUDGE-NUDGE.

Aldi Floors Actually Made Of Cheese Slices

Cheesy Floor

A recent shopping trip to an Aldi grocery store revealed that the store’s floor is actually hardened Colby Jack cheese. Aldi has always used unique ways in which it passed the savings on to their shoppers. Part of the charm of the grocery chain is the low-cost food.

Dangerously Cheesy?Aldi shoppers are encouraged to bring their own shopping bags to take home the groceries or purchase a bags for 10 cents each. Shoppers may also get a cardboard box off a product isle to use for the groceries. Great for cat owners. Not so great for people who don’t want to look like they’re carrying a lifetime supply of peanut butter in public. Aldi does provide shopping carts, but they’re locked and require a deposit of a quarter to use one. These carts are usually returned back where they belong, until someone who doesn’t do coin-operated laundry (or doesn’t do laundry at all) leaves a cart in a random spot at the parking lot. If you get that cart and put it back, and that’s a free quarter for you! Cha-ching! We could not reach an Aldi employee for comment on the Colby Jack cheese floor tiles because we waited in a really long checkout line and forgot to ask by the time it was our turn.

Drinking Game For People Sick With Colds

Drinking Game

A sick, new drinking game is sweeping the nation. All the super cool people are doing it.

The rules of the game:

You must be sick with a cold
You must take a shot of cold medicine every time 4 hours go by

Your favorite liquid cold medicine, like DayQuil or NyQuil, will do. How can you tell who is sick? Besides having clear, salty liquids frequently leaking out of the face holes, consider some of these tell-tale signs:

1. Noses are red.

2. Lips are blue.

3. They say, “I feel like shit,” when you ask “How are you?”

An experienced and currently sick person Michael, says that the he prefers popping pills over drinking because of “slower release of its ‘magic'”. However, his main choice of remedy is to hydrate with water to flush everything out.

“A lot of people want a shortcut. I find the best shortcut is the long way, which is basically two words: Work hard. I just felt over this past year that I’m not headed in the career path I’m intended for. So I’m basically on a soul searching mission.”

Michael works in healthcare and has been battling different stages of a cold for the past 3 weeks due to being around viruses every day. He wears a mask to keep his cold from spreading. In a way, Michael has become a masked hero who’s been saving the sick days of his co-workers.

He does share a few words of wisdom to live by:

“Follow your passions, believe in karma, and you won’t have to chase your dreams, they will come to you.”

Hey! That’s how cold viruses come, too!

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