Average Heroes #3: The Bus Stop Waiter

The length of this hero’s time as a hero is only as long as the arrival time of the 147 Outer Drive Express. Could this be you?

If you don’t own a car because you care about your impact on your environment. By walking, you’re saving the Earth with each one of your minimized carbon footprints at a time! But if you have to get somewhere faster, you take public transportation. If this is so, then you are:

The Bus Stop Waiter

Average Hero #3: The Bus Stop Waiter

You are drinking coffee at sunrise and waiting for a morning bus so it’s safe to bet that your name is Dawn. Yeah. Probably.

(Wait, is this a sunrise or a sunset? Are we facing east or west?  Maybe there’s tea instead of coffee in that cup? Is this the stop for the Southbound or Northbound 147 Outer Drive Express bus?  What street is this on? Why are there so many variables to consider?)


Then, when the bus arrives, you will no longer be The Bus Stop Waiter. You will become: The Bus Rider.

But only temporarily! And after that— only you know. And It depends on where you’re going and millions of variables. Wherever it is, I hope you don’t become: The Lost Wanderer.

Godspeed, fellow traveler.

Average Heroes #2: The Hygiene Genius

He fights germs.
He fights dandruff.
He fights those gross eye boogers he gets in the morning.

And he fights dirty.

Brusha, brusha, brusha!

Average Hero #2 – The Hygiene Genius

WASH! He washes his hands before dinner.
SCRUB! He takes a bubble bath after playing outside all day.
BRUSH! He brushes his teeth before bedtime.
FLOSS! Well, sometimes. When he remembers.

Has The Hygiene Genius ever saved the day for you?

If you’ve never met him, here’s how: Next time you’re brushing your teeth, look reeeeaaally close in the mirror.

(← Average Hero #1 – The Pigeon Whisperer)

Average Heroes #1: The Pigeon Whisperer

Believe it or not, there are super-average people out there who do super-average things. These people are not ordinary. They are extra ordinary! (No, no, they’re not extraordinary. They are ordinary, plus even more ordinary.)

Some of them enjoy coffee with cream and sugar. Some fart and blame it on the dog. Some drive their cars 4 miles above the speed limit. These people look just like you and I, but when they do the same things we do, they do it a little differently. They do everything super-averagely!

They are:

Average Heroes

Average Hero #1 – The Pigeon Whisperer

One cold but sunny winter morning, I’m wandering around a Chicago neighborhood in search of an art supply store. In my path, I approach piles and piles of pecking and pushy pigeons. They. Are. Everywhere! I look around this feathered carpet and see a figure in the distance.

It’s a bird!

It’s a plane!

It’s Alfred Hitchcock!

Here, birdy birdy!


It’s just a very nice gentleman throwing around breadcrumbs.

“Sorry about that,” he mutters, busy with his pigeons.

“Don’t be sorry, you’re their hero,” I say and slowly tiptoe through the pigeon mosh pit, hoping none of the birds poop on me.

Pigeons WORSHIP him. Men want to BE him. He is not afraid of anything! Not stinky pigeon poop. Not silly mites or diseases they may carry. Not even those dumb $500 fines for feeding, what the city unfortunately refers to them as, “pests”.

This man is single-handedly reviving a civilization of our oft misunderstood, fellow city-dwellers who are just trying to survive.