Transcript

I took a break from Twitter and didn’t tell anyone. AND EVERYONE NOTICED. Well, no one asked me about it but trust me, I know everyone was wondering what happened. So I’m sharing my first-hand experience of what it was like to not tweet because it’s my job, as the World’s Most Trusted Illustrajournalist, to educate and inform you.

My goal was to not tweet for 3 months and I did it.

I should mention that I was supposed to stop reading Twitter, too, but I couldn’t stop reading twitter. Remembering how to read is important and there’s nothing else to read. And while reading tweets, instead of reacting to it all and tweeting about everything that triggered me, I had to sit there and stew in my own opinions. 3 months of not tweeting is the same as 3 months of holding in farts.

This is a rare image of what my farts look like. I drink a lot of tequila so my farts are lethal but happy.

That reminds me. During those 3 months, I relapsed and tweeted once. But I don’t think it really counts because I only replied to a tweet instead of posting one, and it was to a friend’s tweet because it was important. She needed advice about salad. And we’re really good friends. It’s the type of friendship that is beyond pathetic private text messages. We handle our business by public tweet-mentions only. And if Twitter was gone tomorrow…

Anyway, my first-hand experience of no tweeting for 3 months: I learned a lot of nothing. What a waste of time. I should’ve been tweeting about trending hashtags and my favorite chapstick. Instead, I let all of my would’ve-been tweets build up in my head for 3 months and now all I have is useless millions of words in notebooks, that will never fit into whatever Twitter’s character limit is now.

I’ve thought about how people use Twitter in different ways. Before my break, I’ve been using Twitter to express myself, and to find my voice, and to develop and evolve as an artist. For over 10 years, Twitter has been how I’ve measured my self-worth as a human being. If you go look at some of my tweets from back then, you will find that you have too much time on your hands and should be contributing that time to society in a positive way, besides just stalking my awesome tweets.

The takeaway from all of this is something I learned a long time ago and just realized it all over again. And I’m going to pass it onto you. The universal truth is: