Aldi Floors Actually Made Of Cheese Slices

Cheesy Floor

A recent shopping trip to an Aldi grocery store revealed that the store’s floor is actually hardened Colby Jack cheese. Aldi has always used unique ways in which it passed the savings on to their shoppers. Part of the charm of the grocery chain is the low-cost food.

Dangerously Cheesy?Aldi shoppers are encouraged to bring their own shopping bags to take home the groceries or purchase a bags for 10 cents each. Shoppers may also get a cardboard box off a product isle to use for the groceries. Great for cat owners. Not so great for people who don’t want to look like they’re carrying a lifetime supply of peanut butter in public. Aldi does provide shopping carts, but they’re locked and require a deposit of a quarter to use one. These carts are usually returned back where they belong, until someone who doesn’t do coin-operated laundry (or doesn’t do laundry at all) leaves a cart in a random spot at the parking lot. If you get that cart and put it back, and that’s a free quarter for you! Cha-ching! We could not reach an Aldi employee for comment on the Colby Jack cheese floor tiles because we waited in a really long checkout line and forgot to ask by the time it was our turn.


Drinking Game For People Sick With Colds

Drinking Game

A sick, new drinking game is sweeping the nation. All the super cool people are doing it.

The rules of the game:

You must be sick with a cold
You must take a shot of cold medicine every time 4 hours go by

Your favorite liquid cold medicine, like DayQuil or NyQuil, will do. How can you tell who is sick? Besides having clear, salty liquids frequently leaking out of the face holes, consider some of these tell-tale signs:

1. Noses are red.

2. Lips are blue.

3. They say, “I feel like shit,” when you ask “How are you?”

An experienced and currently sick person Michael, says that the he prefers popping pills over drinking because of “slower release of its ‘magic'”. However, his main choice of remedy is to hydrate with water to flush everything out.

“A lot of people want a shortcut. I find the best shortcut is the long way, which is basically two words: Work hard. I just felt over this past year that I’m not headed in the career path I’m intended for. So I’m basically on a soul searching mission.”

Michael works in healthcare and has been battling different stages of a cold for the past 3 weeks due to being around viruses every day. He wears a mask to keep his cold from spreading. In a way, Michael has become a masked hero who’s been saving the sick days of his co-workers.

He does share a few words of wisdom to live by:

“Follow your passions, believe in karma, and you won’t have to chase your dreams, they will come to you.”

Hey! That’s how cold viruses come, too!


What Does Your Halloween Costume Reveal About You?

 

Cups Of Royal Tea

♫ So, la-da-di-da-di
We like tea parties ♪

YOHO: You Only Halloween Once (per year):

Time to put on really weird clothes and run around streets pounding on doors while nearly breaking into homes with our gaping jaws in search of candy. At the end of the night, we can dump our candy buckets in the middle of our living room floors and feast like savages on the harvested sweets. Nothing can stop us! Except maybe a candy-induced coma.

Halloween is the only day of the year we can reveal who we truly are by putting on costumes. And no one knows any better because Halloween is a day known for “dressing up”.

Exclusive Interview with The Queen of Hearts:

We took a walk with The Queen of Hearts, and former peacock, Anya Valerie to learn more about how she likes to YOHO (per year).

IllustrArticles: Shit. Ok. I think I’m recording now.

Anya Valerie: Ok, ask me again.

IA: What made you want to be The Queen of Hearts and your boyfriend Stosh a flamingo (this year)?

AV: I always like intricate, nice costumes. And.. just…

IA: Don’t worry. I’m not, like, going to put this on the website, or anything.

AV: Oh. Um. I just liked it and I bought some cheap costumes so I’m just going to make some upgrades to it.

IA: But what made you want to be The Queen of Hearts this year, specifically?

AV: I saw some other people’s costumes last year but their weren’t that cool and I wanna make mine cooler.

IA: What does your boyfriend think of being a flamingo?

AV: He likes to do stupid costumes but procrastinates on his costumes. But he likes doing couple’s costumes, so I thought this would be a funny one.

IA: This is funny because the actual Queen of Hearts is a bit of a bitch and treats the flamingos badly.

AV: Well, he might just wear a flamingo hat.

IA: So you’re not actually going to pick him up by his legs and shake him around while using his face to play croquet?

AV: No.

IA: What’s your favorite costume you’ve worn in the past?

AV: My favorite one, of all time, ever, is my peacock costume because I made it. I got my inspiration from a costume online that was over $200. So, I decided, instead of spending all that money, I would make my own and make it better. I spent about 40 hours on it. Hey, we need to turn here.

IA: Oh, oops. Why do you like peacocks so much?

AV: Because of their color of the feathers and iridescence. And.. I just do. I dunno.

So, there we have it:

1. You’re more likely to successfully YOHO (per year) if you make your own costume because you can make it better than what’s for sale at the stores. We may only Halloween once (per year), but these memories will last YOlifetime.

2. It’s easy to say that if you procrastinate on your costume, you might end up a flamingo. Or if you force your boyfriend to wear a flamingo costume, you might be a bit of a Queen of Hearts. But consider that if you’re secure enough to be The Queen of Hearts or a flamingo for Halloween, you’re might actually be revealing that you are a fun person, who is also HalloWINNING at YOHO (each year).

UPDATE: The night before this illustrarticle was about to be posted, we were notified by Anya that she and her boyfriend Stosh are no longer going to be dressing up as Queen of Hearts and a flamingo because they are attending a charity event, dressed up as themselves, instead. #HalloWINNING

What does your Unhalloween costume reveal about you?