What Does Your Halloween Costume Reveal About You?

 

Cups Of Royal Tea

♫ So, la-da-di-da-di
We like tea parties ♪

YOHO: You Only Halloween Once (per year):

Time to put on really weird clothes and run around streets pounding on doors while nearly breaking into homes with our gaping jaws in search of candy. At the end of the night, we can dump our candy buckets in the middle of our living room floors and feast like savages on the harvested sweets. Nothing can stop us! Except maybe a candy-induced coma.

Halloween is the only day of the year we can reveal who we truly are by putting on costumes. And no one knows any better because Halloween is a day known for “dressing up”.

Exclusive Interview with The Queen of Hearts:

We took a walk with The Queen of Hearts, and former peacock, Anya Valerie to learn more about how she likes to YOHO (per year).

IllustrArticles: Shit. Ok. I think I’m recording now.

Anya Valerie: Ok, ask me again.

IA: What made you want to be The Queen of Hearts and your boyfriend Stosh a flamingo (this year)?

AV: I always like intricate, nice costumes. And.. just…

IA: Don’t worry. I’m not, like, going to put this on the website, or anything.

AV: Oh. Um. I just liked it and I bought some cheap costumes so I’m just going to make some upgrades to it.

IA: But what made you want to be The Queen of Hearts this year, specifically?

AV: I saw some other people’s costumes last year but their weren’t that cool and I wanna make mine cooler.

IA: What does your boyfriend think of being a flamingo?

AV: He likes to do stupid costumes but procrastinates on his costumes. But he likes doing couple’s costumes, so I thought this would be a funny one.

IA: This is funny because the actual Queen of Hearts is a bit of a bitch and treats the flamingos badly.

AV: Well, he might just wear a flamingo hat.

IA: So you’re not actually going to pick him up by his legs and shake him around while using his face to play croquet?

AV: No.

IA: What’s your favorite costume you’ve worn in the past?

AV: My favorite one, of all time, ever, is my peacock costume because I made it. I got my inspiration from a costume online that was over $200. So, I decided, instead of spending all that money, I would make my own and make it better. I spent about 40 hours on it. Hey, we need to turn here.

IA: Oh, oops. Why do you like peacocks so much?

AV: Because of their color of the feathers and iridescence. And.. I just do. I dunno.

So, there we have it:

1. You’re more likely to successfully YOHO (per year) if you make your own costume because you can make it better than what’s for sale at the stores. We may only Halloween once (per year), but these memories will last YOlifetime.

2. It’s easy to say that if you procrastinate on your costume, you might end up a flamingo. Or if you force your boyfriend to wear a flamingo costume, you might be a bit of a Queen of Hearts. But consider that if you’re secure enough to be The Queen of Hearts or a flamingo for Halloween, you’re might actually be revealing that you are a fun person, who is also HalloWINNING at YOHO (each year).

UPDATE: The night before this illustrarticle was about to be posted, we were notified by Anya that she and her boyfriend Stosh are no longer going to be dressing up as Queen of Hearts and a flamingo because they are attending a charity event, dressed up as themselves, instead. #HalloWINNING

What does your Unhalloween costume reveal about you?


4 Awesome Reasons Why Thinking INSIDE The Box Gets You Ahead

We can’t attempt to think outside the box if there is no box of which to think outside, in the first place. Now that everyone has been thinking OUTSIDE the box so much, we’re beginning to forget why thinking INSIDE the box was ever important.

These are some things that wouldn’t be as great without being inside boxes:

You

Loca Motion

Beep beep! Do the loca motion!

That’s right, you are actually a person-shaped box. If you tried to think outside of yourself, literally, you wouldn’t survive long enough to do it! Your thoughts and the very existence of your experience in the world are all coming from your brain.

Your brain is packaged deeply within muscle, tissue, blood vessels, bone, and skin. Without all those things cushioning and protecting your brainsicle, A.K.A. you – both the person shaped box or the brain – would not be alive right now.

Which means your body, this box, is a life or death situation. Which means you’re pretty much stuck inside a box FOREVER! Which means that you are your own mobile home and can head to Florida anytime!

Chocolate

Bag Of Chocolates

“My momma always said, ‘Life was like a bag of chocolates: you can see exactly what you’re… gonna.. get…?’ Yeah, that sounds about right.”

There’s a reason why Forrest Gump was holding chocolates in a box, instead of a bag. Clearly, a bag would completely change the dynamic of the scene. In fact, I should probably just put a bag over my head for even implying such a thing.

Presents

Fool's Gold

“Shiver me timbers! What be this crap? Fool’s gold?”

When giving a gift, it’s pretty standard practice to put it inside a box first. Then you get all thoughtful about what the outside of the box should look like. The outside of the box builds mystery and excitement about what’s inside.

Wrap the box with pretty, sparkly wrapping paper. Plop a colorful, fluffy bow on top. Add a tag that specifies this present is “To: My Favorite Person-Shaped Brainsicle Box In The Whole World”.

Several years ago, I drew portraits of my friends for their Christmas gifts. Then, I gave the gift to one of them, but something was wrong. When she unwrapped her gift, she found a portrait of our other friend inside. I guess after I had wrapped the portraits, I forgot which was which and accidentally placed the wrong name tags on each gift. Oops, how thoughtful of me.

Cats

Pick Of The Litter

A cat in his throne. Litterally.

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Cat are obsessed with boxes. It’s physically impossible for a cat to stay outside a box. Put an open, empty box in the middle of the room, and your cat will come and sit in it.

Even if you don’t have a cat, just blink your eyes and I guarantee: a cat will suddenly appear inside that box. A cat can truly appreciate a box, it’s science!

This concludes why you’re actually getting ahead by thinking inside the box. By thinking INSIDE the box you are “thinking outside the box”.


Child Vs. Adult Swim

Adult Swim

As summer is in full season across the U.S., many adults and children flock to pools and beaches to enjoy the sun and cool off in the water. But for some, not everything is sunshine and butterfly strokes.

Many kids enjoy blissfully playing in the water. Seth Green, age 7, used to be one of those kids.

Green was at his local pool on a Sunday afternoon, swimming with his friends, when he got involved in an incident that would forever change his life. His story is best described in his own words:

“I was just diving underwater and swimming all the way down to try to touch the bottom. Then when I was about to swim back up, all the kids were gone. All I could see was just big legs with no heads appearing all around,” he recollected the terrifying moment. “They were like boring aliens because they weren’t playing Marco Polo or splashing around or anything. I’ve never been more scared in my entire life!”

What Green was referring to is called “adult swim”, a period during which kids are told to get out of the pool so that adults can swim undisturbed by the fun and splashing laughter of joy and innocence.

Some of the adults noticed some bubbles and commotion happening from underwater and grabbed and pulled little Seth out of the water. “He was just screaming and screaming when we pulled him out” said one woman, who asked to be anonymous. “He must not have heard the lifeguard announce that it is adult swim. We sat him down on the edge of the pool and tried to calm him down.”

Upon learning the meaning of adult swim, Seth Green responded, “Adult swim is stupid. I’m never growing up.”