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The Truth About Easter That Your Kids Should Never Ever Find Out

Easter Bunny's Little Helpers illustation
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A group of former Playboy Bunnies confirmed Wednesday that, again this year, they will be spending Saturday night and early Sunday morning hiding colorful eggs for your children to find on Easter Day. The women said that they’ve been doing this because they’ve had a lot of time on their hands after the closing of the Playboy Clubs.

The Easter Bunny himself wasn’t available for comment, but The Bunnies report that he continues to outsource the work to them because he doesn’t have time to hide Easter eggs for every child in the world in one night and, instead, spends more time with his own family. Especially since his wife has just given birth to their 327th child.

Kelly Green, the green Bunny, commends all the parents for doing such a great job of continuing to keep this business a secret from their kids so they can be blissfully surprised while hunting for eggs on Easter morning. Green is on the road a lot now, but she’s is an a expat of Galesburg, IL who started working for the Easter Bunny in 2005 when she dropped out of an online art school because she ran out of money. In this economy, she says that she’s lucky to have a job that matches her outfit.


Severed Hand Found At A Crosswalk


NEW YORK—A body part was caught red-handed last night, as it was fingertipping through a crosswalk at a red light. This light was also a pedestrian signal for the hand, meaning that it was the hand’s turn to cross the street.

This particular hand is believed to be Thing, who has been known to wander out of The Addams Family home for years. Thing has traveled around several countries enough times for these customized hand signals to start appearing at crosswalks worldwide. Although there have been several reports of sightings of Thing in the past, this is the only image of it in action that exists. Thing is quick, and runs through crosswalks chop-chop.

Thing wasn’t always just a hand, he used to be an entire person. And like most entire persons, he relied on the “entire person” pedestrian signal to cross the street, too. But as he was crossing the street one day, a car accident left him paralyzed from the left hand down, and up. At the time, his health insurance didn’t cover a hand-operated wheelchair, so the rest of his body had to be amputated.

As you can see, Thing is currently in great health and in the best shape of his life.


Testing The New MacBook: It’s Pretty Fly

MacBook In Flight illustration
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I got my hands on the brand new MacBook, designed by Apple, before anyone else, thanks to my secret connections via IllustrArticles.

At just 13.1mm thickness and 2 lbs weight, the MacBook is the thinnest and lightest laptop ever, and beyond portable. Its Intel Core M 1.3 GHz processor uses far less power than other laptops, because it runs partially on wind power. This machine wasn’t designed to run heavy applications. This machine was designed to fly.

The gold and silver MacBooks are made entirely of gold and silver metals, so they’re worth much more in resale value than other laptops. But if you’re going to judge a MacBook by its color, choose space grey. I did! The space grey MacBook is made of space metal, which is the same stuff that space shuttles are made of.

To prepare your MacBook for flight, all you do is attach the iString adapter (sold separately) into the only USB-C port. This adapter will allow you to attach almost any type of string or ribbon to the MacBook. Then, hold on to the string and run around a wide open area, like a golf course, and watch it take off. Works even better if it’s windy!

The gorgeous 12-inch Retina screen of the new MacBook is designed to display your favorite picture in the highest quality while in flight. Right now, mine is set a photo of Harrison Ford for good luck, in case the MacBook crashes.