4 Awesome Reasons Why Thinking INSIDE The Box Gets You Ahead

We can’t attempt to think outside the box if there is no box of which to think outside, in the first place. Now that everyone has been thinking OUTSIDE the box so much, we’re beginning to forget why thinking INSIDE the box was ever important.

These are some things that wouldn’t be as great without being inside boxes:


Loca Motion

Beep beep! Do the loca motion!

That’s right, you are actually a person-shaped box. If you tried to think outside of yourself, literally, you wouldn’t survive long enough to do it! Your thoughts and the very existence of your experience in the world are all coming from your brain.

Your brain is packaged deeply within muscle, tissue, blood vessels, bone, and skin. Without all those things cushioning and protecting your brainsicle, A.K.A. you – both the person shaped box or the brain – would not be alive right now.

Which means your body, this box, is a life or death situation. Which means you’re pretty much stuck inside a box FOREVER! Which means that you are your own mobile home and can head to Florida anytime!


Bag Of Chocolates

“My momma always said, ‘Life was like a bag of chocolates: you can see exactly what you’re… gonna.. get…?’ Yeah, that sounds about right.”

There’s a reason why Forrest Gump was holding chocolates in a box, instead of a bag. Clearly, a bag would completely change the dynamic of the scene. In fact, I should probably just put a bag over my head for even implying such a thing.


Fool's Gold

“Shiver me timbers! What be this crap? Fool’s gold?”

When giving a gift, it’s pretty standard practice to put it inside a box first. Then you get all thoughtful about what the outside of the box should look like. The outside of the box builds mystery and excitement about what’s inside.

Wrap the box with pretty, sparkly wrapping paper. Plop a colorful, fluffy bow on top. Add a tag that specifies this present is “To: My Favorite Person-Shaped Brainsicle Box In The Whole World”.

Several years ago, I drew portraits of my friends for their Christmas gifts. Then, I gave the gift to one of them, but something was wrong. When she unwrapped her gift, she found a portrait of our other friend inside. I guess after I had wrapped the portraits, I forgot which was which and accidentally placed the wrong name tags on each gift. Oops, how thoughtful of me.


Pick Of The Litter

A cat in his throne. Litterally.

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Cat are obsessed with boxes. It’s physically impossible for a cat to stay outside a box. Put an open, empty box in the middle of the room, and your cat will come and sit in it.

Even if you don’t have a cat, just blink your eyes and I guarantee: a cat will suddenly appear inside that box. A cat can truly appreciate a box, it’s science!

This concludes why you’re actually getting ahead by thinking inside the box. By thinking INSIDE the box you are “thinking outside the box”.

Average Heroes #3: The Bus Stop Waiter

The length of this hero’s time as a hero is only as long as the arrival time of the 147 Outer Drive Express. Could this be you?

If you don’t own a car because you care about your impact on your environment. By walking, you’re saving the Earth with each one of your minimized carbon footprints at a time! But if you have to get somewhere faster, you take public transportation. If this is so, then you are:

The Bus Stop Waiter

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Average Hero #3: The Bus Stop Waiter

You are drinking coffee at sunrise and waiting for a morning bus so it’s safe to bet that your name is Dawn. Yeah. Probably.

(Wait, is this a sunrise or a sunset? Are we facing east or west?  Maybe there’s tea instead of coffee in that cup? Is this the stop for the Southbound or Northbound 147 Outer Drive Express bus?  What street is this on? Why are there so many variables to consider?)


Then, when the bus arrives, you will no longer be The Bus Stop Waiter. You will become: The Bus Rider.

But only temporarily! And after that— only you know. And It depends on where you’re going and millions of variables. Wherever it is, I hope you don’t become: The Lost Wanderer.

Godspeed, fellow traveler.

Average Heroes #2: The Hygiene Genius

He fights germs.
He fights dandruff.
He fights those gross eye boogers he gets in the morning.

And he fights dirty.

Brusha, brusha, brusha!

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Average Hero #2 – The Hygiene Genius

WASH! He washes his hands before dinner.
SCRUB! He takes a bubble bath after playing outside all day.
BRUSH! He brushes his teeth before bedtime.
FLOSS! Well, sometimes. When he remembers.

Has The Hygiene Genius ever saved the day for you?

If you’ve never met him, here’s how: Next time you’re brushing your teeth, look reeeeaaally close in the mirror.

(← Average Hero #1 – The Pigeon Whisperer)