Over the years, humans have become slightly more attractive thanks to the invention of plastic surgery. But now, because everyone on earth has become so smokin’ hot, we have caused global warming.

A few trillion years ago, the earth used to be a giant ocean, and we humans were all slimy, prehistoric fish things. We spent our days just squirming around and slurping up whatever floated into our gaping jowls.

By the time plastic surgery came around, everyone wanted in on it. Without a new uni-brow, a certain caveman wouldn’t have had enough confidence to share his “wheel” invention. Even pirates had some work done to continue to pirate, with gold teeth, hook hands, and peg legs.

But today, we’re evolving back to our original fishy form. By the time the ice caps melt, we’ll have our giant ocean back. So, chill out enjoy the tide.

If you can’t chill out because of the global warming part – cool off in front of the wind turbines that we’ve surgically implanted into the ground. But we you don’t see any wind turbines around, maybe it’s time to surgically implant ourselves some damn gills.