EXCLUSIVE: OK Go Adds 503 New Band Members At Secret Audition

OKGo

CHICAGO — It became clear that the entire OK Go concert at Lincoln Hall on August 15, 2014 was actually a secret audition held by the band to find additional singers and dancers, when lead singer and guitarist, Damian Kulash, asked members of the audience to join the band on stage.

OK Go must have been so astonished by the performances of the audience members, who sang and danced to their songs all evening, that they asked all 503 of them to join.

I happened to become one of those 503 lucky, new OK Go band members that night. We climbed up on the stage and went right to work of singing and dancing with the band. It might have looked a little crowded on stage, but no one on the floor could complain, since there was no longer an audience.

During the performance, Kulash welcomed the new band members by baptizing us with his sweat drops.  We were compensated for our time and talent with blasts of biodegradable non-fat vegan confetti.

No word yet on our next show as a full 507-member OK Go band because we’re having difficulties finding a large enough tour bus.


Traffic Jam Caused By A Cake And Her Cups

Cakewalk

SAN FRANCISCO — A family of cakes caused traffic to screech to a halt as they were crossing the street, officials said. The confections were not injured. However, at least 8 people had to be rushed to a cafe to be treated for severe salivation.

The cakewalk happened just a few minutes after a nearby pastry shop filed a police report for a missing birthday cake and a dozen cupcakes. The shop regularly rescues cakes from bakeries, also known as cuppy mills, and keeps them in a safe environment until they are adopted.

But this battered cake family couldn’t wait for adoption and escaped to search for a new home. Upon spotting the cakes, police officers immediately adopted them.


Broken Flip-Flop Ruins Life

I was walking at the park one morning and took my shoes off to walk barefoot in the grass. “I wish I walked barefoot more often,” I said to myself.

Later that afternoon, I was walking down the street as one of my flip-flops broke and slipped off my foot. Unable to fix it, I took off my other flip-flop and continued to walk barefoot on the hot, hard concrete.

It had dawned on me that I had gotten my wish, but I should have been more specific. What I should have said was:

“I wish I walked barefoot more often IN THE GRASS, to my MERCEDES-BENZ, with my pockets filled with WADS OF CASH, while CROWDS OF PEOPLE BEGGED FOR MY AUTOGRAPH after seeing the CANDID PHOTOS OF ME IN TABLOID MAGAZINES, THAT WERE TAKEN BY PAPARAZZI PHOTOGRAPHERS, WHO CAUGHT ME OFF GUARD DURING MY HUMBLE MOMENT OF walking barefoot in the grass.”

That was 23 years ago. Now I’m 29. To this very day, filled with unfulfillment, I clench that broken flip-flop in my hand and feel the scotching pavement on my bare feet with every bitter step I take.