Yearly Archives: 2014


Over the years, humans have become slightly more attractive thanks to the invention of plastic surgery. But now, because everyone on earth has become so smokin’ hot, we have caused global warming. A few trillion years ago, the earth used to be a giant ocean, and we humans were all slimy, prehistoric fish […]

How Global Warming Was Caused By Plastic Surgery


TREE—A cicada has been screaming for an entire year after catching a glimpse of his own reflection when he flew by a closed window. “How am I ever going to find a girlfriend when I look like this?!” His pleading could be heard within a diameter of at least 5 […]

Cicada Spends Entire Year Screaming After Seeing Own Reflection



OUTER SPACE — Man, it was really windy the other day in Chicago. Earth must have been spinning around the sun extra fast. I had to take a trip to outer space to see what exactly was the problem and captured this image. Earth must have been moving, like, AT LEAST […]

Earth Moving Too Fast, Lunch Ruined