Earth Moving Too Fast, Lunch Ruined


OUTER SPACE — Man, it was really windy the other day in Chicago. Earth must have been spinning around the sun extra fast. I had to take a trip to outer space to see what exactly was the problem and captured this image.

Earth must have been moving, like, AT LEAST 200 miles per hour. In Illinois, 85 mph and above is reckless driving. Someone needs to slow down the wind turbines.

But some people get used to the wind, and some people don’t even get phased. They just stick their faces out the window and take wind head-on — applied directly to their foreheads.

Still, there’s always that one person who’s like, “Waiter, my soup is cold.”

Well, duh! What did you expect?! What type of nut job orders hot soup while we’re all on a top of a wad of dirt, recklessly darting around a giant ball of fire?