3 Reasons Why Your Flooded Basement Is A Great Thing

Last week, homes, businesses, cars, and streets in my hometown Galesburg, Illinois were damaged by floods resulting from heavy rain. I looked for photos online and found that the streets on which I used to walk and drive looked like something out of a movie. I can only imagine what some people’s basements must have looked like and the devastation that they’ve had to deal with since the flood happened.

This is probably what it looks like underwater.

So, as someone who no longer lives in Galesburg and doesn’t own a basement (and as someone who’s never owned a flooded one), I’m practically an expert who can give you advice on why a flooded basement is a great thing. When life gives you water, make:

1. An indoor pool
If there’s one complaint I’ve heard again and again while living in Galesburg, it’s that there’s nothing to do in town. Not anymore! Invite your friends over and swim in your new indoor pool, rain or shine. Of course, if it rains again, that’s even better because then there will be more water to refill your pool for free. If you’re into swimming for exercise, paying to use the pool at YMCA and then having too many people hogging the lanes is a thing of that past. By swimming laps in your basement, you body will be a little more toned and your wallet will be a litter fatter.

2. Your own, private fishing pond
Just add fish. You can throw in some little goldfish or catfish to start, and they will grow even bigger than they ever would in a regular aquarium. You won’t even need to worry about having a fishing license. Make your basement pond fancy by adding a fountain in the middle and some pebbles around the entrance. Get out the picnic basket and your fishing pole. But, if you get arrested for fishing without a license in your basement, you didn’t get this idea from me.

3. Drinking water!
Alright, so this may sound gross, but hear me out here. I’ve been living in Chicago for over 2 and a half years now and I would drink the water from your basement before I’d ever dare to drink the city water from my faucet. Back when I lived in Galesburg as a kid, I’d cringe when my friends drank water out of the garden hose. Today, as an adult in Chicago who has to spend tons of money on water filters and bottled water (that, I can only hope, has already been filtered), I finally understand what kind of freedom I was missing out on.

If, by chance, my 3 reasons above still don’t convince you to appreciate your flooded, half-full basement of water, then try to keep in mind these 3 words I heard in a movie once:

“Just keep swimming” – Dory

Dory may be a cartoon character but she is a fish (who seems to have dealt with her share of hardship and devastation but doesn’t remember much), so she knows a thing or two about water.


Average Heroes #3: The Bus Stop Waiter

The length of this hero’s time as a hero is only as long as the arrival time of the 147 Outer Drive Express. Could this be you?

If you don’t own a car because you care about your impact on your environment. By walking, you’re saving the Earth with each one of your minimized carbon footprints at a time! But if you have to get somewhere faster, you take public transportation. If this is so, then you are:

The Bus Stop Waiter

Average Hero #3: The Bus Stop Waiter

You are drinking coffee at sunrise and waiting for a morning bus so it’s safe to bet that your name is Dawn. Yeah. Probably.

(Wait, is this a sunrise or a sunset? Are we facing east or west?  Maybe there’s tea instead of coffee in that cup? Is this the stop for the Southbound or Northbound 147 Outer Drive Express bus?  What street is this on? Why are there so many variables to consider?)

Anyway…

Then, when the bus arrives, you will no longer be The Bus Stop Waiter. You will become: The Bus Rider.

But only temporarily! And after that— only you know. And It depends on where you’re going and millions of variables. Wherever it is, I hope you don’t become: The Lost Wanderer.

Godspeed, fellow traveler.


Average Heroes #2: The Hygiene Genius

He fights germs.
He fights dandruff.
He fights those gross eye boogers he gets in the morning.

And he fights dirty.

Brusha, brusha, brusha!

Average Hero #2 – The Hygiene Genius

WASH! He washes his hands before dinner.
SCRUB! He takes a bubble bath after playing outside all day.
BRUSH! He brushes his teeth before bedtime.
FLOSS! Well, sometimes. When he remembers.

Has The Hygiene Genius ever saved the day for you?

If you’ve never met him, here’s how: Next time you’re brushing your teeth, look reeeeaaally close in the mirror.

(← Average Hero #1 – The Pigeon Whisperer)